I have not been posting lately because I am feeling kinda blah. Additionally, I don’t want to bore you all with the details of our time spent with KD and Wife (still don’t have nicknames for them – come on people!). I spent a lovely day with the wife and LM. I really dig her, and we have a great deal in common. I think we will be really close couple friends, which raises interesting questions about donorship but that is for another post.
Honestly I continue to feel left out of KD and S.’s relationship. It was so nice to have Wife here because I was not the 3rd wheel. S. is planning to talk to KD this week about how they can make it so I am not feeling left out (he currently has no idea I feel that way at all.) Men are so stupid.
I have changed my tune about starting in June. Suddenly I am very grateful to have some time to process and relax and enjoy the impending good weather without actively TTC and TWW-ing.
I need a break.
I need to find myself again. It is so easy for me to get lost in this stuff. Almost like a workaholic. It becomes an escape. Obsessions do serve a purpose. For me they allow me to avoid other things in my life, and they give me a purpose.
In a way I don’t have to be present in my life right now, because all the hoping and planning and trying is all about the future. I realized the other day that I am missing out on my life RIGHT NOW.
LM will do something or say something, and if I am in TTC mode, I miss it. I am missing things. Anyone relate?