Thus far I have not been incredibly nervous. But I am now. They are coming in 3 hours.
3 hours! I feel like I have been waiting forever.
And this is our only chance to hang out while she is in town (she leaves in 4 or 5 days). SO THIS IS IT. We all talk, then they talk to each other alone. Then we get an answer. Maybe in a few days, maybe in a week. I can hardly stand it.
I want to make a good impression, but I want to be myself. I am just starting to get scared that she will say no. She has every right and every reason to say no. I would be possessive if S. had swimmers. And I hate decisions that are totally out of my control.
I am just tired, literally and emotionally. I want to know. I hate the waiting. I am beginning to freak out a little. Just a little, but I fear that if it opens up a just a crack the dam will burst.
Here’s to holding it together.