two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

The Crash March 3, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 5:46 pm

What goes up, must come down. Crashing down.

Eventually, as with any drug (and during a crush your brain literally pumps you full of all kinds of crazy drugs and hormones) eventually it wears off. For me this happened last night.

We had a great dinner, great time. We have plans to all watch the Oscars together in Sunday. S. drove him home. On her way back she calls and says that he would love to hang out with the family (all of us) on Sunday, but he would also love to just hang with S. for a while.


First of all Sunday is our only day off together. But sadly, the most hurtful part of this scenario is that he doesn’t want to hang out with me. Now, granted, him wanting to hang out with S., and him NOT wanting to hang out with me are entirely different. But it does not feel different. Rationally I can see that this was not a slight against me, not his nice way of saying he just does not like me at all. But barely. Not feelin’ too rational these days.

All of a sudden the reality of the situation came crashing down. down. down.

He does not care if I got a haircut. He does not care what I look like. He does not care if I spent all day cleaning the house. He is never going to confess his secret crush on me. Never. Why? Because he does not have a crush on me. In fact he has friend crush (non sexual) on S. He is her friend. He wants alone time with her.

Eventually when his wife moves out here we will all become couple friends. Blah, blah, blah. He and S. decided that we will have Thursday hang out night. So into the foreseeable future he will be coming over on Thursdays. F-ing great.

I swear I feel like I have been scorned. I’m like hey f-you too, I don’t like you anyway. What’s so great about you? Who cares if you said last night that you want to donate because it is the coolest gift you can give anyone? Who cares that your motivation really isn’t passing on your genes, but helping us have a child we really want? Who cares that you are smart and gorgeous?


And if he thinks I am going to send him my ‘you are a great donor’ letter, he has another thing coming. Poor guy has no idea what a psycho I am. Thank god. Really though, the letter is shelved because it feels to vulnerable to send it now. Right??

I now feel depressed. Seriously. My brain chemistry is all kinds of in shambles.


9 Responses to “The Crash”

  1. Trista Says:

    I am going to send you an email when I get home and get some free time, but I just wanted to tell you that I really understand how you’re feeling right now. I do. And I know that that feeling sucks ass.

  2. Calliope Says:

    aw honey. What a crush crash.
    I would get hurt feelings as well – although I doubt he meant it as a personal jab, I wouldn’t know how to take it any other way. Guys are clueless. Even the super cool, cute ones.

    Either that or he finds you so effing hot that he can’t be in the same room with you.

  3. Lo Says:

    Oh, Charlotte.
    I know it doesn’t help, exactly, but we here in the blogosphere love you so much.

  4. charlotte Says:

    Thanks guys. Your support really actually helps. Looking forward to your email Trista. Calliope, I hope it is true that I am just too hot for him.

  5. Emmakirst Says:

    Awwwww, sorry about all of this. Guys don’t know much about anything. lol. Hopefully all will work out well.

  6. Whimsy Says:

    Am I the only one in the blogosphere that thinks it’s really inappropriate that your KD wants to hang out with only one of you? Regardless of the crush, it just seems rude and dismissive of the plural YOU.

  7. charlotte Says:

    I don’t think it is odd for him to want to hang out with her alone. He is really her friend, they work together, and have a special connection. I am a bit jealous of that connection, but it does not feel inapropriate to me. Maybe I’m wrong though?

  8. Sacha Says:

    Whimsy, I agree with you.

    DtD is my friend but we don’t really hang out alone that often. Only every once in a while. We talk on the phone all the time but it just feels weird to hang out alone, especially right now. And to request it seems kind of inappropriate to me.

    That’s just me. I’m a closed off person who hates being vulnerable.

  9. M. Says:

    I would not like it if Sacha was hanging out with DtD, just the two of them, despite the fact that the two of them were friends before he and I were. When we asked him to be our donor, we decided that we needed to find ways to help strengthen my relationship with him so that I could “catch up” since I didn’t share the same level of intimacy that they did. Sacha spending alone time with him would go against me catching up. It would be especially weird to me if he asked to hang out with her alone, especially since she will be the one to carry the baby made with HIS sperm. Would just make me feel really left out with weird fantasies about them running off together.

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