I just took a walk with The Boss (KD) and S. Turns out that his wife is ‘fine with it’ but needs to meet with us and still talk some things through. So she has not said a firm ‘yes’ yet. I thought all was absolutely a-ok, so this feels like a minor snag. Also, this crush thing is still happening FULL FORCE. Just hanging out with him for 10 minutes gets me all butterflies and flustered. And I get all inarticulate and dumb. He must think I’m a huge lame-o. I just want it to work, so badly. And he’s so hot. Anyway…enough about my hot PKD. He must be changed back temporarily to PKD until we meet with the wife.
And THANK YOU, for all of your supportive comments. I feel the love. And I feel like way less of a freak. So thank you. Truly. Deeply.
Oh, and in “Mommies Daddies Donor Surrogates”, the author dedicated like 20 pages to the issue of sexual attraction to the ‘birth other’. People have sexual fantasies about them, daydreams about them (both with known and anon donors and surrogates). Apparently it is a documented thing that the human psyche has difficulty separating sex from procreation, both psychologically and biologically. I will do a whole post about it another time. Again, thank f-ing god. In addition to all your support, the book made me feel so much better.
Also I have been and can still be attracted to men, so this did not freak me out in terms of sexual orientation. It was the strength, and the obsessive and very sexual nature of this crush on such a seemingly inappropriate person that had be believing I was a nutter.
I have also discovered that I put a great deal of obsessive energy into finding us some sperm, and now that we found it, I have free floating obsessive energy that is directing itself toward PKD. I would love to calm some of this osessive energy. It serves me well at times, but also feels very destructive and uncomfortable. I’m just so g-damn intense sometimes. I wish I was a mellow person. Any suggestions or are all of you livin’ with me in the home for obsessive kooks?