I will begin by saying that it will probably never work. I am getting my hopes up about something that will never happen for many reasons, but I can’t help it.
I want S.’s boss to be our donor. He is not the usual type of boss. He is cool. And he is smart, funny, tall, compassionate, interesting, lovely, great looking, beautiful voice, snappy dresser, kind, straight forward, very authentic, alternative minded, sensitive, and he has self esteem. He could not be more perfect.
S. and I have joked that he would make a great donor. But hello, he is her boss’s boss. So anyhoo S. and he had dinner tonight (becuase they do that, and talk about feelings and hopes and dreams – how adorable – S. always makes friends with guys – ok I digress).
SO they came back to our house afterwards and we all talked until 1 am!! At one point while showing him pics of our wedding he said, ‘holy crap you look like my aunt, more than that, you look like my sister – what a trip. ‘
So I said ‘too bad you can’t be our sperm donor.’
And he said ‘yeah, too bad, well actually I could but I would have to run it by my wife first.’
I got so nervous and shaky that I immediately diverted us back to the pictures. But my heart was racing. Ladies, my heart was racing.
I think this must be how it feels with a PKD who you really like, and who feels super right. I know that for many reasons this will not happen, but I am reeling. I feel butterflies. I can’t sleep. I mean, he is totally a great match. I even look like his family members. But that has little to do with my interest in using him…surprisingly. We just have chemistry with him and he is so smart, and so empathetic and blunt, and great.
But what does this mean??? He is not a guy to say something like that lightly. I don’t think he was joking. I wish I had the nerve to clarify it at the time because now revisiting it seems hard. And he is working VERY long hours and has little free time so we can’t just ask him to dinner this weekend. Would an email or letter be weird. OMG. OMG. I feel like I was just on a sperm date, and no other PKD has ever made me feel giddy with the thought of using him as the donor. No PKD has ever made me feel desirous of his sperm. I have never liked any of our PKDs like this.
I am not even spell checking this because it is f-ing 1 am and I need to go to bed. S. is taking him home. I am just freaking out. This will make using the frozen swimmers really hard. HELP!!!!!!!