The Fireman is kind. He is loyal, sweet, brave, even tempered. I mean he’s a friggin firefighter. Also, he has the right attitude about donorship. He and his wife love the idea that they are helping lesbians create a family. He has no attachments to being an uncle, and wants to leave any relationship he would have with the child up to us. They asked about how to protect their rights in terms of us suing for child support, etc. (a very good sign). They already have a great son, and the Fireman seems like a great father to him. He is willing to fill out a 20 page questionnaire, and he and his family are in excellent health (grandparents alive in their mid-nineties). And his bisexual, funny, smart wife is on board (obviously, it was her idea).
So what’s the catch, you ask?
He looks NOTHING like me.
Nothing. He’s blonde, blued eyed, shorter than me, fair skinned. And there are zero physical similarities. I have thick lips, his are thin. Our eyebrows are not even the same shape, neither is our face shape, bone structure, or any other feature. And, although he seems smart enough he’s not wry-British-sense-of-humor smart, not A’s in school smart, not – you know – smart smart.
So that’s it. He does not look like me. It feels shallow, but I really want a donor who looks like me. Even if the baby does not look like me. But will that be important once I have a lovable little baby that is mine? Will it matter whether the donor looked like me??
And even though I said that money should not be an important part of our decision, frozen sperm is expensive. And we like the Fireman, but he’s not super good looking, but he is a super duper good person, and has a GREAT personality. But at one point while we were talking I was thinking, EEEEEEEEEW I don’t want to touch your semen. I don’t really want to touch or smell anyone’s semen.
Right now, the frozen sperm seems more appealing…but he’s a FIREMAN. He saves lives for a living, and is strong and healthy and VERY kind and on board with being a great non-attached but available-if-we-want-him-to-be donor.
What the *F* are we supposed to do?