Again, apologies for my blogging ignorance.
So here are some questions and comments (from my backlog of super terrific comments) that I wanted to respond to:
Can I link to your site: YES, need you even ask?
I am curious about the relationship between the little monster and his uncle/donor. Obviously there would be a relationship *anyway* because S’s brother is his uncle. What are you planning/have you told little monster about the additional involvement?
We will call S.’s brother U. for uncle. He is just a great guy. He really believes that he gave us a gift, no strings attached, to help US have a baby. We wondered at times if he would get weird or too attached, but so far nothing like that has happened. His wife was in a lesbian relationship for most of her adult life, and already has a child. So she was on board from the beginning, and had a very clear sense of what it means to be a parent (knowing that U would not be the parent). We did have some weirdness with S and U’s mom…but other than that the whole process feels very fluid, easy and clear. U is just the uncle, and will be to the next kid, who will be his bio-niece or nephew. We will tell LM (little monster) from the beginning that U is his donor.
The situation with U is so great in fact that we are BUMMING not to have found something so perfect for S. We are still considering a KD, but he isn’t perfect. We don’t know if perfect exsists, so we don’t know if we should wait for it. We are still considering frozen too.
Honestly I am really feeling sad and shitty that this decision and process is not easier. We are so ready for #2. Oh well. I hope we make a decision soon, cause I hate the uncertainty.
I also understand the fear of the donor being too sensitive. It’s such a catch 22, you want a sensitive, caring one, but not too much, right?
Yes, exactly. I just want to have a bio baby with S. She is just the right amount of everything. Well almost everything. Sometimes I feel super pissed that we miss out on the have sex and make a baby thing. Suck-ass for us.
Thank you. I do to. When I was pregnant I gained 65 pounds, and felt like a bloated, puffy, fat, cankle*. So I forced myself to hire a professional (well she was a friend who was trying to start a career taking photos of pregnants) and thank god. This is the only photo from my whole pregnancy that I feel totally beautiful in. And I gave birth exactly a week later.
Thank you again all of you for helping me feel not alone. Especially about my fears regarding S. having baby #2. It is very normalizing. S. and I talk about how we feel with each other, and our friends but there is nothing like hearing that others are in the same lesbian boat.
And if anyone has questions for me please don’t hesitate to ask, I will answer pretty much anything.
*for those that do not know a ‘cankle’ is when there is no distinction between your calf and your ankle…it is just a solid tube from the knee down. That is one of the joys of gaining 65 pounds whilst pregnant because you can’t stop eating everything in sight (yes, even off other people’s plates) for 9 months.