how we are May 21, 2008

this is going to be a bullet post, just so you are not expecting much.

• S’s plugged duct is finally better. Finally. Although another part of the breast is now sore. Can my wife catch a break? Our lactation consultant referred us to a chiropractor who does ultrasound treatments (thank you so much to the commenters who recommended this, as it made us actually make an appointment to do the ultrasounding). It worked.

• We hung out with Klove, Sassa, and Chicory last week, which was GREAT. Our kids played well together (despite Chicory’s post!). Smarty was just tired by the end of the day. Sassa is so cute I just wanted to bite her. And pull her hair. Oh man, that hair. And her skin. She really needs to be kissed and squozen all the time. Smarty has been a giant know-it-all-bossy-pants lately with his “nice” best friend, so S and I though it was funny for him to be bossed by a girl a year younger! We hearted them. All of them. Sassa and Smarty would make some pretty kids, you know, in like 25 years. Right? And Chicory, we truly LOVED Sassa, and so did Smarty, you guys were perfectly on top of things and she was so funny. I especially loved Sassa picking her nose (and eating it), more fervently the more I said ‘eeeeeeeeeew, Sassa’. She is so freaking smart.

• I’m having some ‘how is this my kid?’ feelings. I don’t spend much time with littleo because I have to do everything around the house, and she wants to nurse all the time. She sleeps right next to S, because she wants to nurse and because I don’t sleep well next an infant, never have. So I’m feeling a little…left out - and a little tired of being the caretaker/cooker/cleaner/toddler putter to bedder/toddler entertainer/getter of water/washer of the breast pump parts. What has been wonderful for ME this week is that people have signed up to bring us meals, which started this week, and that has truly been grace giving and luxurious. Anyway, I am feeling a little bit sad and sorry for myself. Oh, and my oh so long and abundant 3 week maternity leave is over at the end of this week. More later on our lovely should we both breastfeed fight. Good times.

dammit May 17, 2008

S has a plugged duct. After a day of Lecethin, homeopathy, warm compresses, pumping, nursing all the time, showers, massaging and endless bleb searching…it is still plugged. Just when she was finally feeling better downtown (ouchy 3rd degree tear and all).

Advice?

baby fights May 15, 2008

Sometimes, when one is sleep deprived and emotional, one fights with one’s partner - about things that should not be the topic of an argument. I’m just saying.

MIL, the final chapter May 13, 2008

Lets see, where did we leave off? S decided to have her there for the pushing/birth part only. This didn’t feel like much of a compromise to me, but I let it go.

I did ask S if we could wait until we were at the hotel hospital to tell her we were there (as opposed to calling her on our way and having her show up an hour later). We didn’t call her for hours, thank god. She did eventually come to the hospital, but I tried not to leave the room to minimize the opportunity for vibing. The one time I did leave the room, MIL was standing with her nose an inch from the door. Stalker anyone?

I was a little taken aback, so I didn’t say hi immediately. MIL filled the silence with “I was just listening to see if I could hear S.” Duh. I mumbled something, got what I needed and returned to the room. MIL had returned to her seat in the lobby. WTF? I don’t have anything else to say about this.

So after a lot of pushing (2 + hours - details to come later) S said, between contractions, “get my mom and my brother”.

I wish I could say she didn’t ruin anything. I can say that mostly she didn’t.

When she came in the room, at S’s request, she came right up to S, who at that point had an oxygyn mask on and was clearly in an altered state. The other women who were there for the birth were quietly standing a good distance back, and only the doula and I were right next to S. I can’t really describe how inapprpriate her approach was. It was, as always, all about her - her need to “greet” S (like this is the time to come and say “Hi, how are you?”) instead of just standing back with everyone else.

S, bless her, grumbled through the oxygyn mask, “back up”. Of course MIL did not hear her, so I had to tell her. “S wants you to back up.” But a few minutes later, our stupid nurse (the only stupid one we had during the whole 5 day stay), who didn’t witness the previous exchange, motioned for her to go to S’s sbedside. Why was she so dumb? I mean obviously if there were 3 friends with us during the whole labor, while MIL waited outside, there was some reason behind this, and one should not assume that the mother should stand right next to the laboring woman. Right?

So S had to say, AGAIN, “I need you to back up” and MIL didn’t hear her, AGAIN. This time S’s brother whispered to MIL that S wanted them to stand further back, and ushered her away. And by “away” I mean standing 5 feet back from S’s bed, straight in front of my line of sight.

I did some breathing. Breath. Breath. I did some refocusing. Eventually she moved to the other side of the bed, which was closer to me, but thankfully not in my live of sight.

As S pushed, we encouraged her. “We” being me and the doula and occasionally our friend K. But then. Then. MIL started to chime in with encouragements. She had absolutely no ability to gauge the mood in the room, to pay attention to who was doing what, to where people were standing, to pause and see what was appropriate. She just barged into a space where all of us had been in a rhythm for many many hours. I was very close to glaring at her or telling her to shutthefuckup, but I didn’t want to give her one more iota of energy. Breath. Breath.

I will save the account of the moment she was born for another post, because I really don’t want it connected to this post about MIL. The silver lining? At least she wasn’t there for any ANY any of the labor…well, except for when I caught her listening at the door.

ouch May 10, 2008

our lactation consultant said that it would be a good idea for me to do some supplementing (to give S’s poor boobs a break). so i have used S’s pumped milk to supplement littleo a few times. we put her milk in a syringe attached to a tiny tube that is placed in her mouth with my n!pple. OUCH. she’s a naughty little biter. S is thrilled to have me confirm this about our tiny daughter. she is a rascal.

i just stopped breastfeeding our son about a year ago, and we are deciding, i think, to both breastfeed littleo. we were not sure, either of us, if it would feel weird. but it doesn’t. the first time i comfort nursed her, i cried. i can’t describe how strange it felt to have a baby that i was not nursing. only because it was what i did to comfort Smarty for almost 2 1/2 years. so nursing littleo deeply confirmed for me how mine she is. S did not do this with Smarty, but i think she would have if she had nursed previously. it is lovely to have the support of our lactation consultants, and i will only be supplementing her for a week or so and then pumping for for 4-6 weeks so that S can establish a hearty supply. S is surprised by how good it feels to have me helping with the nursing. it is bonding and happy for all of us. so far. we’ll see how it goes.

S and i will each have littleo 2 days per week when S returns to work in a few months so it would be very handy to both have the boob magic…and it will put less pressure on S to pump like crazy while she is working. but nursing hurts in the beginning (hurts like a motherfucker, truly), and i don’t know that i will really have the sticktoitiveness to pump for 4 weeks to build up my supply. because, ouch.

also, i wish that there was not still a small part of me that felt strange about this…partly because we don’t know anyone else who has done it. any advice? support? thoughts?

update: goddammit, i just realized that i might (will?) have to give up my beloved wellbutr!n. nonono. this definitely gives me pause.

(birth story to come, in installments.)
oh, and have you seen “fl!ght of the concords”? funny ass show, that.

eff. these posts are getting randomer and randomer (yes i know that randomer is not a word.) jesus, look at all my crazy parentheses.

bye.

we have kids, plural May 7, 2008

i borrowed a friend’s nice camera and now i WANT it. i need an artsy camera with all kinds of settings i don’t understand. how much is a nice digital SLR? anyone have one hanging around? here is one of my favorite pictures of my kids.

home May 6, 2008

home home home.

home is so fucking great. home with our baby.

so much to post about in the coming days:

1. what it feels like to finally have this baby we worked so hard for
2. the hotel hospital where we stayed
3. the biliruben space alien bed
4. being the not breastfeeding mom
5. how amazing S was, in a long, intense and without drugs, birth (we almost have twinsies birth stories which is weird)
6. littleo’s birthday. she was born on WTF’s babywhodied’s (little charlotte’s) due date. crazy times. i mean, wow.
7. choosing littleo’s name.
8. boobs

thank you to WTF, my lovely technologically challenged (you so are) friend, who posted an update for me on her blog the other day. i will also say that WTF should really post about what the experience was like for her. i can only imagine it was beyond intense for many, many reasons. do it.
oh, and the MIL final episode. that’s coming too.

i am super tired now, but maybe i will have some posting mojo when i’m up in the middle of the night.

i missed you guys! i couldn’t blog at the hotel hospital, dammit, and it was killing me.

honestly May 1, 2008

whose water breaks on the midnight eve of their due date? who? i mean seriously.

we are waiting now, at home, while S moves through early labor. contractions are every 8-10 minutes, sometimes in clusters. fairly painful.

little Smarty has been so sweet…rubbing S’s legs, talking about the baby, asking to hold her. he’s excited to go to the hospital and has been pretending to be a baby in my tummy (along with his lovie, a kangaroo, who is the little baby).

Smarty is out gardening with S. so fucking cute.

and WTF decided to come! her comment on my earlier post made me cry for some reason. i’m just excited, and trying to enjoy this…you know something going right, something happy, something so abundant and lovely that maybe my pessimism can’t touch it.

it couldn’t have been more dramatic May 1, 2008

S’s water broke, at 12:30 am. We were watching tv and she was like oh no, and lept from the couch. i thought she saw a giant spider, but no. she stepped onto our slate living room floor and gushed all over the place. like seriously, a stream of water like in a movie, splatting onto the ground, and you’re like ‘that is so unrealistic’. we went to the hospital for a non stress test. all is good so we are going to try to sleep some tonight. S is having contractions about every ten minutes, but they are still erratic and not super painful.

i will have you know that today, is her due date.

just so you know April 29, 2008

pestering your wife every 30 seconds with hyper questions such as howareyoufeeling? anythinginteresting? areyouhavingcontractions? howareyoureallyfeeling? anthing? isthebabycomingtoday? isthebabycomingtonight? whenisthebabycoming? howareyoufeelingnow? DOESN’T SPEED THINGS ALONG. shocking.

S feels crampy and poopy and tired. she is 1 1/2 cm dilated and her belly is getting ridiculously large, but no baby, no sign that labor is starting any time soon.