ibuprofin March 31, 2007

Does anyone know if Advil/Motrin/Ibuprofin negatively impacts ovulation? S has been abstaining despite headaches cramps and now an awful achy cold because our old RE said that it could affect ovulation. Tylenol doesn’t cut it, but S doesn’t want to risk it.

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Her estrogen line on the monitor is getting significantly lighter (which happens before an LH surge). We’ll see what happens tomorrow, but it is looking like she’s not going to have a late surge. This cycle feels like an entirely new one because we messed with shit and we have no idea what is going to happen. Here’s to a plump egg.

ultrasound scheduled – revised March 30, 2007

We are happy to be done with the Clomid, and very happy that S did not have a super bad reaction to it.

S’s ultrasound is scheduled for Monday, which is CD12. This is just to monitor her follicle development. We got an appt with our OB, Dr. Poor Social skills, who I kinda trust. I wanted to get an order to go to the Radiology department at our local hospital, becuase those techs do these scans all day, but S thinks it is better if Dr. Poor Social Skills does it b/c she will be one person familiar with S’s lining, ovaries and eggs. What do you think?

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Also, does anyone hate me for my stupid post the other day? I am very paranoid and feel like crap about it. When I read it I was thinking of my best friend who loves kids but has decided not to have any. For her it felt nice to be acknowledged. I hesitated about posting it, because it might be offensive to those of you who it does not apply to at all, but did it anyway because it was so helpful for my friend. But for 99% of you all reading it was just lame and stupid and your worst nightmare – getting acknowledgment for your worst fear of what might happen to you. And at the time I did not know it was written by a “child-free living” person. I didn’t even know that was a thing, and I must have been smoking crack. So again, I apologize. A LOT. But I am (pathetically) needing to know that you do not hate me. I hope this was not an unforgivable misstep. Sweet lord I hope not.

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I feel like I am stuck in that place where you make a mistake and then you keep talking about it! You know? Everyone may have forgotten already but you keep bringing it up because you feel bad? So you keep saying how bad you feel and eventually they are going to actually BE irritated at both your incessant driveling and the original mistake. Then the other person is forced to reassure YOU instead of you just apologizing and everyone being done with it. Yup. I’m there. Gross.

i took that stupid shit down March 30, 2007

I put up this post (a thing written by some chick, I just realized who wrote a book about child-free living) about unseen mothers of the world (you know, people without kids of their own who are champions of all children) and now I see that it was a bad and very assy post. So I took it down. Sorry about that, my friends.

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That was a bad call indeed.

done with clomid March 29, 2007

now i feel like an ass for my last post. it is really not uplifting for the infertiles. it just made me cry. anyway, just forget the whole post.

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we are done with clomid. S is happy to have taken the last pill. she’s all kinds of leaky and feeling like she’s going to ovulate like right now, but it just must be the extra estrogen. WTF just told be that Rocket Man has a business trip on CD14 and CD15. Crap. But I think it will work out because we can still get the sperms on CD14 morning, and late CD15 night, if need be  (because RM will plan his travel to accomodate this. he rocks.)

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good lord. this better work.

day 3 with clomid March 27, 2007

S has been having some grumpiness, hot flushes and nausea, but is excited that something is happening that might actually lead to pregnancy! I wonder many things about Clomid. As far as we know, S has been ovulating regularly, and some studies say that Clomid should only be prescribed to folks with ovulatory dysfunction. I am also concerned about it reducing cervical fluid. Have any of you been successful with Clomid? What dosage, how long did you try it, and what CD did you do it on (3-7 or 5-9). If anyone has any interesting articles or info from their RE about Clomid, let me know.

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In other news, we had dinner with UD the other night. It was…not terrible. According to UD, H could not make it because she was “busy”. I am (successfully for the moment) not stressing about them. The situation is crappy and our relationships are iffy right now, but I need to be done with the rage and constant internal dialog. I have spent hours and hours and hours talking to them in my head, and it needs to stop.

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In the classic style of their family, shit isn’t talked about, and I wasn’t about to stir shit up. Whatever. They are not going to change their minds.

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We hope that Clomid is our answer, but we are preparing for an IUI next cycle. Looks like we will need to flat out lie. I tried out the polyamorous thing, and it isn’t flying. S needs to call some obgyns herself and lie about her boyfriend.

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I was feeling more hopeful earlier, but familyo’s recent news has me down. That cycle seemed so promising. Co has had all testing and drugs known to woman, and it still is not working. The truth is, it is not working for many of us. At least some of you have the means to do IVF, we really don’t and won’t ever. But even that doesn’t necessarily work. Depressing shit, this is. So please share your Clomid success stories. I could use some cheer.

********Forget what I said! It looks like familyo is knocked up!!! Holy crap, and YAY!!!!!*******

we are all set March 24, 2007

Thank you so much to those of you who offered to hook us up with drugs from Mexico. It warms my heart, it really does. And by the way I got comments and emails from people in SF and other places in California…um why haven’t I heard from you before? Ahem. Please comment people.

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I had a yucky 5 part conversation with Stupid Ass Fertility Clinic yesterday that involved me crying on the phone (twice) and me hanging up on the idiotic medical assistant (once).

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I called them 3 weeks ago to see what we needed to do to get Clomid next cycle. I was told REPEATEDLY, that I need do nothing, and schedule nothing until CD1. REPEATEDLY. I asked for clarification a few times because I didn’t want to run into any ridiculous roadblocks. Sha.

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After talking to idiotic medical assistant, a nurse, and the scheduling chicks like 3 times each, I finally set up 3 appointments. Jesus H people! It seemed like a ridiculous number of appointments, but whatever, they were able to schedule them in a cluster, so I was ultimately ok. But this took all effing day to sort out. Then at 4:30 I get a call from Idiotic Medical Assistant saying that we didn’t get some required labs done, so we could not have the “Next Step” appointment, and without the “Next Step” appointment we could not have the “Cycle Review” appointment. Without the “Cycle Review” appointment we could not have the “Clomid Check” appointment. This took me 10 minutes to extract from her.
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So no Clomid. And they (Dr. Ethics) refused to recode the required labs (many of which were for things like blood type, AIDS and Hepatitis) under something diagnostic rather than “fertility testing” because it was *malpractice*. By the way this is total bullshit. I have heard from many of you whose doctors try to work with them, whose doctors do not do anything unethical they just code tests that could fall into more than one category under the category that the patients insurance will cover. If a test is only performed for fertility reasons, they code it under fertility. Seems simple right? Not to Dr. Ethics. We should have gone to a new RE eons ago, but it is such a big deal to switch. We thought we were going to the right place because they are the “experts”. At this point I was sitting on my kitchen floor weeping while my son was trying to hug me and asking “Mommy, are you having a hard time? Are you sad?”

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By the time I got off the phone I was not clear about whether the “Clomid Check” appointment was also canceled. At this point I was going to cancel it if they had not done so already, but I got connected to Nurse Nice and Informed who told me not to talk to medical assistants as their job requirements are a high school diploma and a 6 month course. No wonder I knew more than her about fertility. I thought she was a god damned “Physician’s Assistant” – how the fuck am I supposed to keep track of these titles? Long story short: Nurse Nice and Informed was lovely, and made me feel better and rewrote the lab codes.

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I don’t ever want to go back there. It feels like a crazy, rule bound factory. A fertility treatment factory, just churning people out. Sticking them with needles, and shoving wands up there vajayjays in a sadistically ordered manner.

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Wow. I need to get to bed and I have not even gotten to today. I will attempt brevity. I called our old OBGYN who performed our IUIs, Dr. Poor Social Skills, and her midwife and they promptly returned our call. I needed a really good doctor experience to restore my faith in western medicine, and we got it. Our midwife was all about hugs, and listening and being clear about what they can and cannot do. She fit us in at the last minute, stayed late for us, answered all our questions, and accommodated us in every possible way. She gave S an exam and wrote prescriptions for Clomid and Progesterone suppositories. The new doctor in their clinic is a lesbian who is very familiar with fertility issues.

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Wha???

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I wanted to shout “WE’RE IN, SIGN US THE FUCK UP”. We are never going back to that ridiculous fertility clinic. THEY WERE GOING TO REQUIRE ME (YES ME) TO GET A BLOODWORK PANEL BEFORE THEY WOULD PRESCRIBE CLOMID OR PERFORM AN IUI FOR S. Why, for fuck’s sake, do they want the ‘lesbian life partner’ to have motherfucking bloodwork done??????? What in god’s name does that have to do with S having an IUI? COME ON!?

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Between this and the clinic search for KD IUIs, the lying, the talks with WTF, and spending all day on the phone with my fucking infertility EXPERTS who were supposed to make this process *easier*, I felt totally demoralized and powerless.

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Pelvic exam with nice midwife: 40 dollars; Clomid prescription filled by a funny pharmacist who said ‘good luck ladies, this stuff really works for people’: 15 dollars; restored hope in our next cycle: priceless.

we need help March 23, 2007

S is being monitored (she had an ovary check a month ago, and we have an order for an ultrasound that we can get done at our local hospital), but we can’t get our STUPID idiotic infertility clinic to give us Clomid this cycle. I am in a hurry to get LM to preschool, so I can’t even give the details right now (which are so boring anyway…I HATE doctors). But we need some by Monday (is this possible??), and we are in California. Anyone? Email me dosmamas@gmail.com. I will of course reimburse for everything. I was just brought to me knees yesterday by this ridiculous process. I will post more later today.

ouch March 22, 2007

Before I get into the content of this post I wanted to answer some questions (from a lovely fellow blogger):

Why are you moving on to IUIs?

Our RE suggests that we do IUIs in combo with Comid since it can effect some women’s cervical fluid. We will do one IUI with fresh washed sperm in addition to fresh inseminations.

How much will that improve your chances?

I don’t know.

The thing about IUIs, even with fresh sperm, from what I’ve read, is that the sperm doesn’t live as long. So, it’d have to be super well-timed. Or am I mistaken about that?

It would have to be well timed. S will be doing a trigger shot as well.

Also, did S ever go on Clomid?

No, but she will this next cycle and the cycle after that will be fresh IUI with Clomid.

For the next cycle (with Clomid and without IUI) and the following one with Clomid and an IUI she will have to get ultrasound monitoring.

No I don’t have any fucking clue how we will pay for any of this.

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I just tried the lying thing and IT SUCKED.

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I called a clinic and made an appointment because my “boyfriend” and I are trying to conceive. Lie upon lie upon lie. First of all I was pretending to be S. Then I was making a phone appointment, for a free consultation to get the info I need to know if we can even go this route. So the lovely and nice intake chick starts asking all these questions that I had NO answer for.

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Like what is your boyfriend’s birthday? Ummmm. 1969? I sounded like such an asshole. Like I don’t know my boyfriend’s birthday? I don’t even know how old he is (sorry RM). And then she asked for my address and I panicked. I have called this clinic before (most recently yesterday), and gave my name and city, and was asking questions about KDs. So when she asked me my address I panicked and gave her my mom’s address (she lives a hour away from me). When she asked for my email, I gave her S’s. When she asked for my phone number I gave her my cell.

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At some point I realized that if I did not write down all the shit I was telling her I would never be able to keep it straight, much less tell S what SHE is supposed to say when they call her.

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What a debacle.

***I just got some new info from WTF, which is that the we-don’t-have-to-lie (WDHTL) clinic is farther from RM’s work than we thought. If he is having a busy or important day, and traffic is bad, he won’t be able to do it at all. If we choose a ‘lying’ clinic close to his work, he can leave for an hour, thus pretty much guarantee that he’ll be able to do it, but he can’t leave for 3 hours in the middle of any given day to drive to WDHTL clinic. So we could risk it, and hope he has a slow day, and that traffic is good, but that might just be too many unknowns in a situation already saturated with them.

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If we must lie, we have to decide the most palatable lie. S would WAY rather just say she is sleeping with him to have a baby for her and I. So S and I are a couple, but she is shagging RM to get pregnant. Then it isn’t weird if we don’t know his birthday, or don’t have the same address. It requires less lying. The only lie is that they are having sex. It’s a big lie, don’t get me wrong. But we don’t have to pretend she is straight or that I don’t exist. The next question is will the clinics go for this??? How do I find out?

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Holy mother of god.

fresh sperm IUIs for misfits March 21, 2007

Yes, those of us in “alternative lifestyles” (how gross is that) cannot have a fresh sperm IUI with a known donor, due to FEDERAL regulations. I know some of you are in the same boat (hello lovely misfits) so I thought I would go into a bit more detail.

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My understanding is that the Federal regulations do not require you to be married, just an “intimate partner” which they do not define. Most sperm banks and RE’s are afraid to loose their license, so they will not do a fresh IUI unless you say you are in an “intimate relationship.” There is something called a ‘directed donor’ which may not require quarantine (just testing within 7 days of the IUI every fucking time), but the clinics in our area are scared about their licenses and still require a quarantine.

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My gay sperm bank dude (and his lawyers) believe that a KD is in an intimate relationship with the recipient…so his bank does fresh directed donor (KD) IUIs. I am researching some midwives who do IUIs but I don’t get how they have the equipment to wash sperm. I think that when people say that midwives do fresh IUIs, and home IUIs they mean ICIs or IUIs with thawed frozen sperm. But I’m still researching. If you know anything about this in Northern California, let me know.

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Now, onto the lying. If we are willing to lie, we (well S and Rocket Man) can just go to any old clinic and have it done without excessive preliminary tests, and without subsequent testing each cycle within 7 days of the IUI. Trista, they do not ask for a marriage certificate, the KD just needs to be your intimate partner. But what does that really mean in terms of constructing a lie?

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I wonder if you can be in a 3 person relationship. I mean can S get a fresh IUI if we are in a polyamorous relationship? If so that is FUNNY, because it is *way* freakier than two chicks together (hey don’t email me about how it isn’t freaky to be polyamorous, I am aware of this as a bonafide relationship choice and have no judgment other than I am way to jealous to ever do it). I digress.

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We are trying to figure out whether S and RM can lie. Part of me wants to get all political about it, but I just don’t have the energy. It is all about the practical at this point.

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I can’t really be there for the insem if we go that route. I think we can pretend that S and RM are having sex, but I don’t think I can pretend that I am “just a friend”. Fuck that.

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I want to be all full of integrity and shit about this. But I don’t know that I can muster up the caring. If it saves us money, is less trouble for RM, and S gets pregnant I don’t know that I care so much that I can’t be there. I mean I care. It makes me livid, but I don’t think I care enough not to do it.

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But maybe I do care enough not to do it.

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So this one sperm bank will do a fresh-KD-no-lying-involved IUI, but it means that RM must make an hour drive round trip instead of a 20 minute drive (this is a big deal for him at work), and it means a battery of tests and possibly an extra visit to the doctor, versus one AIDS test (if he’s S’s boyfriend).

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Can we lie and just say that S and RM are having sex to make a baby for me and her? Eeeeeew. Can we deal with that judgment (will people stare at us, or ask weird questions?) so that I can be there with her? Will the doctors even go for that? Can we make this funny, or is it just entirely humiliating? How do we create a lie that we can all live with?

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The fact that we must face these types of decisions is so fucking far *beyond* adding insult to injury. Way.

another negative – well not yet techinically seeing as i’m writing this the night before tomorrow but you bet your ass it will be March 21, 2007

plus, i’m sick.

this isn’t fun. this is a giant disaster.

I had to ask WTF to ask Rocket Man if we can start the process of getting him tested for all manner of crap so that we can do a fresh sperm IUI not next cycle but the following one. They are more than sweet and willing, but I hate to ask. I hate it because if there is going to be burdensome crap to deal with i don’t want to subject anyone else to it. I hate being at the mercy of their generosity. I hate involving anyone else in what has become our own special pregnantless hell. Thank god they are such great people, otherwise it would be totally unbearable. Although, the nicer WTF was to me on the phone today the more I wanted to cry.

On top of THAT shit, in our lovely nation FDA regulations state that sperm banks and doctors cannot perform fresh sperm IUIs with known donors. They can, of course do a fresh sperm IUI if S is fucking a bum on the street, or pedoph*le, or a convicted murderer, but because she is not having sex (aka an “intimate partner”) with Rocket Man, we must perform all manner of tests, see a counselor AND FREEZE and quarantine the sperm.

FREEZE the FRESH sperm, people.

Is that the most heterosexist fucking shit you have ever heard?

There is one exception in our area. Thank fucking god. He is the owner of an alternative sperm bank and he (and his lawyers) believe that Rocket Man and S are, in fact, “intimate partners”. Behind the closed doors of a home, his sperm is put in her stuff. He believes that that constitutes an intimate partnership. How the sperm gets in there is really none of the federal government’s fucking business. They are not the sex police. Therefor, his bank will do the insemination.

Thank you dude. Seriously.